i see that bhagwan is
teasing me with his humour
in a way testing my mettle and watching if i will fall into his traps
and can really keep the secret
this will prove my true intentions
he has thrown the gauntlet…the ball is in my court…will i take the bait
my love for bhagwan was greater than my small glimpse of
enlightenment
even the descent of gautam the buddha was not going to be revealed by me
i know how to keep a secret
i have said then and i repeat…i was to be a mahakashyap
and sadly soon i hear bhagwan say a few months later
that few months ago in bombay that govind siddharth had a vision
of gautam buddhas soul searching for a body
he saw in his vision bhagwans had become a vehicle for gautam buddha
and he was right…but it is the misfortune of man
that one could go wrong even though one had touched a point of rightness
because bhagwan had declared him enlightened he had disappeared
and since then was not seen again
perhaps he thought…what is the use now
i was searching for enlightenment and i have found it
bhagwan says enlightment is only the beginning and not the end
that he had come very close and has now gone very far away
i had come to hear that govind siddharth had become a
master
soon his ego was to create even deeper pitfalls
and utterly destroyed even his simple disciplehood
what a sad calamity i saw in this
a day of immense pain…a pity…he deserved more
i did not ever want to fall into this trap
i would have to kill myself…take rebirth if it happened to me
the first experience of enlightenment
allows the initial opening of these multidimensional layers
that these layers for the first time become available
that one needs to dive deeper into each layer
and absorb each of its dimensions
that it would take five or six such explosions
or samadhi states to absorb and dissolve layer by layer
and gradually complete the entire journey
dissolving into it
i just drowned deeper and deeper
my daily activities continued to find deep changes
my physical movements and simple day to day actions
were becoming more graceful
i stopped doing meditations…meditativeness became my life
a relaxed watchful awareness took over my every footstep
my every gesture my every look my way of standing my way
of sitting washing the dishes taking a bath brushing my teeth
zen is a living experience…a way of living meditatively
there is no such thing as meditation for me
only meditativeness exists
i poured all my awareness into these simple daily activities
and slept as much as possible…in a pitch black room
i knew i was awaiting the black hole again
to become familiar with the blackness of the night
i became a night watcher
my walking in zen and sitting in zen
started to illuminate all around me
now i had passed through the door of secrets with
bhagwan
bhagwan astrally visits me more and more often
i begin to learn of his ways of secret transmission
his silent and secret methods of working
i was to allow him as much access to my physical body
create situations comfortable for him to enter and work on me
there was another secret i was growing and falling into
this was in the way i walked
my past life vipassana channels and pathways were open
these vertical channels easily accessible by any living master
hence gautam buddha had found me to be
a suitable match as his vehicle
bhagwan always walked in a certain way
his kundalini waved and moved at far greater height than mine
was far vaster and wider and taller and deeper
bhagwan could easily accelerate my growth
if i was to fall in tune with his vertical alignment
so i began walking into deeper waters
hand in hand with him
step by step…vertical wave by vertical wave
i was slowly merging into his channels
revealing to me heights upon heights
i was carrying his divine flame…he was dancing with me
tears fall short to express these divine mom
the functioning of the mystery school was open for me
i became part of his secret mystery school
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