i start to consciously
experiment and direct my sitting
what does in really mean
do i just sit with eyes closed and feel the interiority of my body
and feel the inner gripping me from the inside
or is in a kundalini column in the spine
or is in deep near the navel
do i dive in with my breath compressed
do i need to use my breath to direct and to guide my dive in
many questions…go in…where is the inthese
questions haunt me and i experiment hours and hours each night
with different sets of experiments…it is so engrossing and intense
i love each moment of these dives
it is clear that there is another universe inside
far deeper and more vast in content
a great scientist is needed to go in and observe all these possible
layers
all these multidimensional perspectives of experience inside
what a joy…sheer joy…it is becoming interesting and time is just flying
perhaps i am flying into many new layers…the mystery deepens
i am not looking for results anymore…the journey is getting a grip over
me
my simple method is working
kundalini shakeup…shakeup the solid
then sit still three hours in the evening
i have now begun to look forward to sitting each night undisturbed
9 pm till 3 am…six hours into the night…total nine hours sitting each
day
it is becoming clear to me that somehow the buddhafield was activating
and magnifying many of the dormant inner spaces i was experiencing
when i was a child in the mountains during my school days
everything inside me was becoming alive
and i was giving it complete trust and support
these days and nights of intense sittings of nine hours daily
i begin to realise that that every night i sleep eleven or so hours
i should add the sleep time for continuous meditation
and began to practise falling asleep slowly reclining
and as if the sittings are continuing…sleeping every night into this
state
i soon get up in the morning to a huge upward pull and begin to
experience a vast energy pool surrounding me
having gained some sense of direction and control over my sittings
the solid part is over i feel
i have become more flowing and liquid…my days are
changing
i begin experimenting with my previous experiences of walking
walking becomes much slower…lighter and buoyant
the childhood experiences start manifesting themselves
the earlier weightless walking experiences become more dense
yet begins feeling more like a gliding motion
sannyasins in the ashram are beginning to notice me now
earlier i was sitting away from their view
now i am walking every day behind buddha grove…all eyes are on me
especially swami swabhav…always checking on me
i am causing him trouble as people begin talking about
the way i walk just like bhagwan
that my name is rajneesh like bhagwan
that i remind them of bhagwan
alarm bells for his ears
i am silent…i do not speak to anyone and they think
that i am dumb
i dont listen to others and they think that i am deaf…literally
soon they think that i am too arrogant
others think that i pretend to be enlightened…holier than thou
i am too engrossed and pay no attention
the days and nights are too short…deeply immersed in this experiment
each day the thread leads into the next day
i must follow this trail that is deepening and unravelling before me
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