i realise bhagwan was
enlightened at the age of 21 in 1952
but remained silent and only started sannyas work in 1970
it took him eighteen years for the entire journey to complete
from acharya to bhagwan
from mystic to master
from acharya…one whose inner and outer were one
to bhagwan…no inner no outer…just dissolved into oneness
acharya…one who could help from the inside…look into your being
bhagwan…one who could help from the outside…give you his very being
it was clear to me that he went through five deep
samadhi experiences
all over a period of eighteen years
samadhi samadhi samadhi samadhi the final samadhi
explosion explosion explosion explosion the final implosion
samadhi where the dewdrop slips into the ocean…becomes the ocean
the dewdrop surrenders
disappearing into the ocean realising its magnitude
it loses nothing…it becomes as vast as the ocean
but the ocean disappearing into the dewdrop
such infinite grace
the ocean becomes the dewdrop
the mighty bows to the small
only the east has known such depth of expression
just this understanding and experience is worth dying for
i am totally in love with bhagwan
that is all i seek
to be at his feet as a devotee
who wants to become enlightened
now i have bhagwan
i have found a greater joy…a greater love…my master
i want to be near him and to see him physically for the first time
what a dream…i will see him…it will be ecstatic
i cannot imagine what will happen…what will transpire
it is a sheer luxury
a windfall of great fortune to find a true master
and bhagwan master of masters
the most evolved being ever to walk this earth
the man of all centuries
i just want to touch his feet and cry
see him walk in floating
sit and listen to his words…drown into his silence
watch his graceful gestures…look into his eyes
see him create his magic in the air
witness his charisma and magnetic presence
as it drowns the seekers into waves of bliss
i am now seeing with an open eye
seeing bhagwan will be the worlds most panoramic spectacle
i understand why mahakashyap remained silent
i am to be like him
i did not want to become recognised
to remain silent and to keep my secret
i was greedy
wanting to enjoy and drown deeper into my experience
to have the privacy of anonymity
bhagwan is the very best show in this universe…just
watch him play settling into my new experiencing
of the universe
still in state of shock…absorbing layers and layers of experiences
allowing the bodymind to make gross and subtle alchemical changes
my body was changing from within in a multitude of ways
this was all taking a toll on me
i needed more and more sleep…deep silence and rest
i was all alone
the ashram was hostile towards me
sannyasins started speaking out against me
i could feel their attacks towards me
sometimes like daggers or arrows piercing into me
i needed to learn to shield myself
my body was open soft and vulnerable
still in a vaporised state
where everything entered and exited like an open space
i could feel the slightest movements in the air
i could read and look into peoples thoughts and
feelings
i began to see their past present and future
i was not seeking to learn about others
just their passing by me would reveal and open physic doors
everything around me was transparent
revealing its mysteries into me
i was already inundated with so much knowing pouring
in
i wanted to find ways to shutdown
and allow some kind of unawareness to take over
so i resorted to sleeping as much as possible
no more meditation…just let go…just relax
sleep and let time settle things
this too shall pass
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