| soon i begin to have strange
experiences the ball i feel rolling over me
seems to become larger and larger
the pillar experience stronger and more rooted into the earth
i realise the stillness i am drowning into creates a reflective pool…a
sort of mirror over me…watching me below
i have begun to see balls of light hovering over people
a certain radiance emitting from a few people
i have read bhagwan saying several times
go into the centre of your being
i go again into my inner questioning
where is the centre of the being
is it a vertical centre…is it the centre of the navel
is the centre the top of the crown
i try to dive into each of these inner pathways
look deeply in to see what would mean the centre
totally confused if the kundalini experience
like a tall pillar of vertical light…was the vertical centre
or the ball of light floating above me was my centre
but i always assumed the navel was the centre
i reason that since i am not the body
not the mind…not the emotions
and am just a detached witness
perhaps the centre would not be located inside the body
and was a point of witness outside
i reason
if the centre was part of a circle
then a sphere would be more correct
and therefore the centre
would actually mean the very centre of the sphere
my experiences of walking were dual in nature
a tall vertical pillar of light
and a huge ball rolling and floating above me
i dug deeply into this enquiry
both seemed correct
the vertical and the spherical
but which one
soon i began to experiment with the sphere as my
centre
it seemed more correct as it was a detached witness
not connected with the bodymind sensory experiences
and with this new method began
to look upon myself from an eagles eye view
from the distant horizon
and people around me start seeing that i have a blank
and passionless expression on my face…it seems dead and lifeless
to add to this dead look
i began experimenting with darkness and the black of the night
i was simply drawn magnetically to drowning into the black night
and make my room completely dark pitch black
i loved the black
i remember the nights i stared into the blackness of the night
it seemed too much light was present in the atmosphere
and i could not go deeper into the black
so i chose to use a blindfold and sit into the night
it was becoming more and more intense
and more and more exciting for me…this adventure was exhilarating
i was sucked into it
the night blindfold sittings began to see new windows
opening
and i became aware that my innerbody was not actually dark
but was actually filled with a blue spark flowing and animated
and that it was protected and surrounded with a deep black
which was velvety and soft in nature
and the more i was drowned into it the more i felt a calm envelope me
the blue light inside becoming denser and more animated
i knew that i was reaching some sort of explosion of light
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