| descent
into the black hole there is a little
courtyard in sunderban with a small lemon tree
this was a perfect spot to sit unnoticed
absolutely no disturbance
i started my final seven days dive
totally resolute and now more intensely focused
it all started with this seven days ultimatum
my body started to get very very hot…i was getting
high fever
and continuously sweating…moaning in high fever in my sleep
the next day the body started to get ice cold
to shiver and shiver…my teeth chattering
it was all strange
one day intense heat…another day intense cold
perhaps i had pushed too much
so i let go and dropped pushing as i would only get sick this way
something in my body started to break down
i was feeling a transparent vapour surrounding me
cool and nourishing…like a silent guide
the intensity and focus made my bodymind obedient to
my wishes
supporting my every wish and desire
i had released a genie from the bottle
sitting still…just sitting still
i began to realise that the air outside was not empty
it was thick with energy enveloping and gripping me from the outside
and that there was some energy thick and gripping me from the inside
perhaps if they were to meet…the inner and outer were to become one
so i become absolutely still
and focus on stillness
breathing in…breathing out
i began to focus only on the gaps
in breath gap…out breath gap
this gap was my new focus
there start to come moments where i would forget to breathe in or out
long pauses in the gap began to appear
and a sudden feeling that i was falling into something
just slipping into some sort of tunnel in the gaps
it was extremely scary as i realised for the first time
i was in a very complex focal point in between the breath on the gap
several times the fear of the breath stopping drew me into a blackout
and i could hear a tunnelling sound as if being sucked into a vacuum
it was scary but still very exciting
as my stillness became more and more compressed
i also began to experience an expansion of the stillness
new experiences began to surface
my body started to smell of jasmine
the scent was so overpowering that it began to intoxicate me
and my eyelids became heavier and heavier
the intoxication extremely heavy and thick
i was moving into a trance like state
heavy sleep surrounding me
i was losing my mental grip on my daily controlled
routine
this intoxication was simply overpowering
i was blissed out and let go
no more routine
just go with this trance and let it take over
|
