a merger of light was
happening
i feel my physical body change from insidemy
girth becomes wider…more stout
my jaws expand…my hands expand
my fingers move into a new mudra like expression
my feet broaden
my body has been taken over
i am still in a semi coma
deep layers of surgery are happening
in deep intoxication
i am totally in
bliss…bliss…bliss
i am awakened with a huge explosion of light
as if the sun has descended into my head
there is no skull
i can see through the top of my head
brilliant unbearable light
is pouring into my head
i am blinded
completely blinded
i cannot open my eyes
they are heavy like a rock
i cannot move my body
i have absolutely no strength
i am lying inert under the tree
but i am awake
from a vast distance i can see the rooftops…the ashram
trees
i can see my body lying under the lemon tree in the courtyard
someone please come and help me move
i am like a rock…heavy like a rock…cannot pick up my body
i wish that i can get up
and with this wish i am strangely sucked into my body
and experience the pain and heaviness as if after surgery
i do not remember much of what happened during the
night
just the memory of falling into a black hole
memory of the fish in the ocean
and find myself unfamiliar with myself
i do not recognise my body and its changes
i walk differently…i stand differently…my hands are different
my face bigger and changed
i feel different inside and outside
just who am i
as soon as i become vertical and sit down
a huge vortex again swallows me
and a light begins to filter into me
on no…not again please…i have had enough
i can feel a tall vertical pillar of light opening again
i feel a strong wave descending into me
and am again sucked in
i am falling in again
i descend descend inwards
and soon recognise the point i had come to last night
i am staring at a circular opening into a tunnel
with a bright light at the end
i am inside behind my navel again
so i am going to leave the body now
i am prepared
this must end
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