two months had passed
i sent a feeler through a sannyasin with an apology to swami swabhav
his response was beautiful and he welcomed me back with a smile
and seeing his lighter side and warmth
i began to love him from that moment onwards
i felt that i was wrong to have given back my sannyas and mala
and apologised asking for my mala back
by now swami narendra was unhappy with me and convinced swami
swabhav that i take my sannyas again with a new name akam bharti
just to teach me a lesson and make me drop my ego of the name rajnish
i was egoless about the rajnish name
and accepted wholeheartedly with no conditions
any name chosen was fine for me
so i became swami akam bharti
but everyone just called me rajneesh
it was now july and my deadline was running out
i must make it to enlightenment by masters day celebration
just twenty days or so
my daily activities saw tremendous changes
i was walking each step consciously
moving my each hand consciously…standing or sitting with alertness
every single gesture or bodily movement was watched by me
and i became known as the slow motion man
the slow walking man
it was easy and effortless on my part
it was arousing and made me feel intoxicated
every movement became a joy to watch…the sheer grace it offered
and the very experience of grace was overwhelming
and a gift…it became part of my daily life…of meditativeness
my intensity increased
i was almost insane in my endeavour
i blamed myself for not going deep enough
i was only meditating nine hours each day
plus adding the sleep of the night…nineteen hours
i was wasting five hours in non essentials
so i put it on paper that i should meditate twelve hours…sleep nine
hours
two hours for morning shower and tea and one hour evening dinner
i must knock on more doors
experiment with more methods that were not familiar with my mind
to add another dimension to my night meditation
i went to sleep every night as if i was dead
and went deeper and deeper into imagining i had died
and that they were taking my body to burn
my sleep became lighter and i felt wide awake most nights
so i decided there was no need to really sleep
i was completely fresh and rested and decided i need to push more deeply
i was aware that many layers of experiences were
gathering
a kind of multidimensional collective understanding
was now converging to some sort of bigger opening
it was a vague feeling
yet i was certain that i was hearing my inner voice
assuring me i was close
to something
ten days to my deadline
i decide to sit for seven days completely in silence and not move at all
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