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i feel like a huge pillar
passing through my body
and at the same time begin to experience
a ball floating above me
the huge ball rolling in the wind above me
just like a tall pillar waving the body below
my feet continue walking in a strange movement
i cannot feel my feet on the earth
just a sensation of hovering above the ground
both feet have become one
the right moving the left and the left moving the right
it is a strange slow motion
yet has a balanced slow rhythmic movement
you must follow its paces
a tall and thin pillar
waves the walking body below
a huge ball suspended above balancing the back and forth motion
i have to walk very slowly otherwise the ball loses balance
the pillar loses the rhythm and i must stop walking
soon the inevitable call to
the office by swami swabhav
i am advised to stop walking slowly and told vipassana was not allowed
by
bhagwan without doing dynamic meditation and work as worship
it kept one grounded and i was going cuckoo…to watch out
or i would soon be banned for my own good
that he had given me sannyas and was his duty to tell me about my ego
i asked him as to who
actually gave me sannyas
stating that if he was present when sannyas was given
then it was his ego…that one was a hollow bamboo pure
and empty during sannyas
and that only bhagwan could give me sannyas
and i returned the mala
i was banned from the ashram
i continued deeper into my
walking experiments
now beginning to walk in the hotel garden at night
walking with a blindfold to intensify the experience
a needle through my crown
piercing and pulling tight
my walk has found its perfect rhythm…a balance so perfect
like walking on a tightrope suspended across the sky
perfect balance…no fear of falling left or right
pure grace…pure harmony…sheer joy and ecstasy
just walking at that pace slowly…reaching an orgasmic high
all movement around me
becomes slow motion
as if i am in a dream
the air stops…my breathing stops
and everything around me freezes
a huge yawning pit confronts me
if i move i will fall into this deep hole
i stop completely frozen
the earth below me opens into a deep deep pit
i cannot look down…i am swallowed into it
a rushing sound sucks me in…deeper and deeper
i stand immobile in shock…still in darkness
eternity seems to pass by
and suddenly an explosion of light
all around me twinkling
with millions of sparkling lights
have i fallen into a tube
or am i rising into the sky
a tall tube a pillar of light pulls me upwards
i feel my feet lift off the ground
gravity has left my body
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