he was always hard
throughout my experiences with him
but i actually loved him as i could clearly see that he was sincere and
genuine in his love for bhagwan and was really only concerned with
sannyasins meditating if they entered the ashram
and were not there just fooling around
that they took his authority seriouslya few
days later the issue of my name came up
swami swabhav by now came to see i was really innocent soft and simple
and my name rajnish suited me and decided to give me sannyas and my
mala with the name swami rajnish bharti
and soon people started to call me rajneesh
i could still feel the air thick with bhagwan
the ashram was vibrating with his presence and for me it was heaven
again
i could be there with no hindrance allowed to move anywhere
to walk behind buddha grove
where bhagwan lived
the sacred lao tzu gate always etched in my heart
everything stops for me whenever i come to this gate
lao tzu gate was open which was almost a shock for me
i remember each time i had passed by that gate in 1981
my breathing would slow down and i would pause silently and go inward
bowing deeply to my master…time would stop
it has been my way forever…and even to this very day
just the memory of the gate stills me…it is the door to my temple
the gate is open…but i do not walk in…it is too sacred
i feel that only when i really deserve will i pass through these gates
i walk silently by…this gate has become a standstill
the deepest moment for me
up to now it was just reading and reading
running around to be near bhagwan…dreaming of that day i would see him
hundreds of emotional moments…few days of kundalini…no actual sitting
the real hard part now was actually meditating
i go to hotel sunderban next door
the unfriendly guard says they are closed…and they are not renting rooms
saying i want a room for one year i insist that i want to meet the owner
a car drives by…mr talera enters the sunderban
i meet him and request him to give me a room
he laughs and says that he has never met anyone like me…just the way
i requested him for a room…laughingly says there are ghosts living there
and that i would be good company for them
and agrees to give me a room for 1200 rupees a month
i tell him i want nothing in the room
just a mattress on the floor…an empty room
a beautiful manicured garden…stretches of roses in the entrance
a convenient large covered veranda facing the garden
the ashram next door…i am ready
it is march 1986 i am now twenty four years of age
and as one could imagine i must set some spiritual target
achievements and deadlines for myself
for my enlightenment
i hear that bhagwans enlightenment day is 21 march
too soon for any possible achievement
then there is masters day celebration in july
perfect day for a present for bhagwan
a disciple can only give his enlightenment to the master
so i set my deadline…ninety days
|
