Osho - If you really want to Surrender, Surrender
Question - I Want to
Surrender and Yet...
One day somebody was saying to me, ’I am ninety per cent ready to take sannyas. Ninety per cent!’ I said, ’Man, this is a miracle! Ninety per cent? Don’t wait a single moment, because who knows? Just take sannyas!’ He said, ’But that ten per cent of the mind. What am I to do about it? It goes on saying no, so I will have to wait.’
But that man is not aware that even to decide to wait
is a choice. To take sannyas is a choice; not to take it is also a
choice. You cannot choose not to choose – that freedom is not given. You
cannot choose not to choose. You are choosing every moment. You have to
remain a chooser. Man is not free not to choose, remember. But you can
create an illusion – that man is thinking that he is not choosing yet
because ten per cent of the mind is saying no. But he is choosing in
favour of the ten per cent – he is not taking sannyas. He is going
against the ninety per cent for the ten per cent. This is stupid. At
least be a little democratic.
I have heard about an old church. The church was very ancient and the building was falling. A small wind would come and the building would start shaking. People stopped coming to it. They were afraid. Then the committee, the board of directors, met. Even they didn’t meet inside the church. It was dangerous to go in so they met outside. And they decided that something had to be done now – ’People have stopped coming, even the priest won’t go in. And it can fall any moment; it is a miracle that it has not fallen up to now. What should we do!’
But the orthodox mind.... The old people were there who said, ’This is an ancient church and we cannot demolish it.’ And there were other new people who said, ’We have to demolish it otherwise it will kill somebody some day. We have to make a new church.’ And there was great conflict. What to do?
Then they decided on a compromise. They passed a re-solution: We decide first that the new church has to be built. Second, we decide that the old church has to be demolished. Third, we decide that the new church should be made exactly like the old, on exactly the same spot and all the material from the old church should be used in the new church. Nothing new will be used, so it remains ancient. And fourth, till the new is ready we will go on using the old. Now how is it going to happen? Compromises don’t help.
If you want to surrender then just watch inside yourself. If the major part of your mind is ready then take the jump.
A Russian Commissar was so discouraged with life in
Moscow that he decided to commit suicide. One evening he walked out into
the country with a loaf of bread tucked under his arm. When he came to a
train junction, he lay down on the railroad tracks. A peasant passing by
was amazed by the strange sight.
But this is how the mind functions. You are ready to commit suicide. I used to live in a house next to a professor. We were colleagues in the same university. I was very new and the first night I became a little worried because the professor and his wife started fighting. And the fight continued and I could hear everything that was going on. As I had not even been introduced to them it would have been an interference, a trespassing, to go to their house in the middle of the night, so I had to wait and see what was happening.
Finally, the professor threatened that he would go and commit suicide. Then I became a little worried. I came out. The professor had left and the wife was standing there closing the door. I said to the woman, ’What is the matter? Can I be of any help?’ She said, ’Don’t be worried. This must be the hundredth time. He will take a good walk and come back. He never commits suicide. And he threatens every time.’
And within just five or seven minutes he was back. And I asked him, ’So soon? Have you committed suicide?’ He said, ’The railroad is so far away and it is raining, can’t you see? And I don’t have any umbrella.’
Mind is like that. It goes on thinking in contradictions.
The young man poured out his heart’s devotion on paper
as he wrote to the girl of his dreams: ’Darling, I would climb the
highest mountain, swim the widest stream, cross the burning desert, die
at the stake for you.
Now drop that ’yet’. If you really want to surrender, surrender. If you feel the ’yet’ is more strong, then forget about it. Then this is not the right moment for you. The mind continues to be contradictory because that is its trick to survive. And that is its way to keep you always dis-contented. You want to do something – one part of your mind says ’do’, another part says ’don’t do’. If you do it the part which was not in favour will go on condemning it and will go on saying, ’It was worthless and I was telling you so from the very beginning’ – and you will become frustrated. If you don’t do it, the part that wanted to do it will go on chattering to you, ’Do it. You are missing something great. Why don’t you do it?’
Either way you remain frustrated. And mind is always happy if you go on only thinking. Do anything, and mind becomes afraid – because when you do something you are committed, you get involved. Mind wants utter freedom to dream, desire, long for. Have you watched this phenomenon in you? If not, then watch it. Whenever you are thinking of doing something, there are a thousand and one alternatives. Mind has great freedom.
For example, if you want to purchase a car you can go to a showroom. You have many alternatives. Many kinds of cars are available. You can purchase this or that or that, you can dream about all, but you can purchase only one. The moment you purchase it, the fact that out of a hundred cars you have missed ninety-nine is going to make you miserable. Now your mind has only one car and it will start finding all kinds of faults with it. And the remaining parts of the mind which wanted to have other cars will start telling you, ’I was saying so from the very beginning.’
So a man remains continuously frustrated. Whatsoever you do brings frustration because doing always closes your freedom; it becomes a commitment. Without doing anything you are free to choose because you choose only in the mind. You can change and alter and do this and that: this morning you are going to purchase this, by the evening another thing – and you can go on playing.
That’s why thinkers are not known to do many things. They don’t do at all. They only think. And without doing anything you cannot attain. You will have to do something. You will have to have the courage to commit, to get involved somewhere, otherwise you can sit and go on thinking and dreaming. That is all futile, meaningless – a sheer wastage of energy. So either decide to do it or decide not to do it but don’t hang in-between. Be decisive. Decisiveness is always good. It creates integration, it brings integration. It makes you more crystallised.
Source - Osho Book "Sufis: The People of the Path, Vol 1"
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