Jiddu Krishnamurti on Orthodox parents and Your Responsibility towards them

Questioner: I have parents who are orthodox and who depend on me, but I myself have ceased to believe in their orthodoxy. How am I to deal with such a situation? This is a real problem to me.

Jiddu Krishnamurti : Now, why has one ceased to be orthodox? Before you say, ''I have ceased to be orthodox,'' must you not find out why, for what reason? Is it because you see that orthodoxy is mere repetition without much meaning, a framework in which man lives because he is afraid to go beyond and discover?

Or, have you abandoned orthodoxy as a mere reaction because it is the modern thing to do to reject the ancient, the old? Have you rejected the old without understanding it? - which is merely a reaction. If that is the case, it is quite different, it brings about quite a different issue. But if you have ceased to be orthodox because you see that a mind caught in tradition, in habit, is without understanding, then you know the full significance of orthodoxy. I do not know which you have done: Either you have left it in protest or you have abandoned it, or rather, it has fallen away from you naturally, because you understand it.

Now, if it is the latter, then what is your responsibility to those people around you who are orthodox? Should you yield to their orthodoxy because they are your mother and father, and they can cry and give you trouble at home, calling you an undutiful son? Should you yield to them because they create trouble? What is your responsibility? If you yield, then your understanding of orthodoxy has no meaning; then you are placatory, you don't want trouble, you want to let sleeping dogs lie.

But surely, you must have trouble, a revolution is essential - not the bloody kind of revolution, but a psychological revolution, which is far more important than mere revolution in outward effects. Most of us are afraid to have a fundamental revolution; we yield to the parents, saying, ''There is enough trouble as it is in the world, why should I add more?''

But surely, that is not the answer, is it? When one has trouble, it must be exposed, opened up and looked into. Merely to accept an attitude, to concede to the parents because they are going to give you trouble, kick you out of the house, does not bring out clarity; it merely hides, suppresses conflict, and a conflict which is suppressed acts as a poison in the system, in the psychological being.

If there is tension between you and your parents, this contradiction has to be faced if you want to live creatively, happily; but as most of us do not want to lead a creative life and are satisfied to be dull, we say, ''It is all right, I will yield.'' After all, relationship with another, especially with a father, mother, or child is a very difficult thing because relationship with most of us is a matter of gratification. We do not want any trouble in relationship.

Surely, a person who is looking for gratification, satisfaction, comfort, security in relationship, ceases to have a relationship that is alive; he makes that relationship into a dead thing. After all, what is relationship? What is the function of relationship? Surely, it is a means by which I discover myself. Relationship is a process of self-revelation, but if the self-revelation is unpleasant, unsatisfactory, disturbing, we do not want to look any further into it. So, relationship becomes merely a means of communication and, therefore, a dead thing. But if relationship is an active process in which there is self-revelation, in which I discover myself as in a mirror, then that relationship not only brings about conflict disturbance, but out of it comes clarity and joy.

The question then is: When you are not orthodox, what is your responsibility to the person who is dependent on you? Now, the older you grow, the more orthodox you become; that is, because you know you are soon coming to the end of your life and you don't know what awaits you on the other side, you seek safety, security, on both sides. But a man who believes without understanding is obviously stupid, and should you encourage stupidity? Belief creates antagonism, the very nature of belief is to divide: You believe in one thing, I believe in another; you are a communist, I am a capitalist, which is merely a matter of belief, you call yourself a Hindu, I call myself a Muslim, and we slaughter each other.

So, belief is obviously a device which sets man against man, and recognizing all these factors, what is your responsibility? Can one advise another as to what to do? You and I can discuss, but it is for you to act, after looking into it. To look into it you must pay attention, and you must face the consequences of your decision, you cannot leave it to me or to anybody else.

That means you understand and are quite willing to face trouble, to be thrown out, to be called an ungrateful son, and all the rest of it; it means that for you orthodoxy does not matter, but that truth, which is the understanding of the problem, matters immensely, and therefore you are prepared to face trouble. But most of us do not want the clear happiness that truth brings; we want mere gratification, and therefore we concede and say, ''All right, I will do what you want me to do, but for God's sake, leave me alone.'' That way you will never create a new society, a new culture.

Source: Jiddu Krishnamurti Third Talk in New Delhi 1948

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