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Osho on real
differences detween Men and Women
Question: Would you please explain
what the real Differences Between men and women are?
Osho : The psychology movement is
basically male chauvinist, and strangely, it has exploited women
more than men. Most of the differences between men and women are
because of thousands of years of conditioning. They are not
fundamental to nature, but there are a few differences which
give them unique beauty, individuality. Those differences can be
counted very easily.
One is that the woman is capable of producing life; man is not.
In that way he is inferior, and that inferiority has played a
great role in the domination of women by men. The inferiority
complex works in this way: it pretends to be superior --to
deceive oneself and to deceive the whole world. So man down the
ages has been destroying the woman's genius, talents,
capacities, so that he can prove himself superior --to himself
and to the world. Because the woman gives birth, she remains for
nine months or more absolutely vulnerable, dependent on a man.
Men have exploited this in a very ugly way. And that is a
physiological difference; it makes no difference at all.
The psychology of the woman is corrupted by the man telling her
things which are not true, making her a slave to man, reducing
her to a secondary citizen of the world. And the reason for that
was that he is muscularly more powerful. But the muscular power
is part of animality. If that is going to decide the
superiority, then any animal is more muscular than a man.
But the real differences are certainly there, and we have to
search for them behind the pile of invented differences. One
difference I see is that a woman is more capable of love than a
man is. A man's love is more or less a physical necessity; a
woman's love is not. It is something greater and higher; it is a
spiritual experience. That's why the woman is monogamous and man
is polygamous. The man would like to have all the world's women
and still he would not be satisfied. His discontent is infinite.
The woman can be satisfied with one love, utterly fulfilled,
because she does not look at the body of the man, she looks at
the innermost qualities. She does not fall in love with a man
who has a beautiful muscular body, she falls in love with a man
who has a charisma --something indefinable but immensely
attractive --who has a mystery to be explored. She wants her man
not to be just a man, but an adventure in discovering
consciousness. The man is very weak as far as sexuality is
concerned --he can have only one orgasm.
The woman is infinitely superior --she can have multiple
orgasms. And this has been one of the most troublesome matters.
The man's orgasm is local, confined to his genitals. The woman's
orgasm is total, not confined to the genitals. Her whole body is
sexual, and she can have a beautiful orgasmic experience a
thousandfold bigger, deeper, more enriching, more nourishing
than a man can have. But the tragedy is that her whole body has
to be aroused, and the man is not interested in it, he has never
been interested in it.
He has used the woman as a sex machine just to relieve his own
sexual tensions. Within seconds he is finished. And by the time
he is finished the woman has not even begun. The moment a man is
finished making love he turns and goes to sleep. The sexual act
helps him to have a good sleep --more relaxed, with all the
tensions released in the sexual activity. And every woman has
cried and wept when she has seen this. She had not even started,
she had not moved.
She has been used, and that is the ugliest thing in life: when
you are used as a thing, as a mechanism,as an object. She cannot
forgive the man for using her. To make the woman also an
orgasmic partner the man has to learn foreplay, to be in no
hurry to go to bed. He has to make love something of an art.
They can have a place, a love temple where incense is burning,
no glaring lights, just candles... and he should approach the
woman when he is in a beautiful mood, joyous, so he can share.
What happens ordinarily is that men and women fight before they
make love. That poisons love. Love is a kind of treaty that the
fight is finished --at least for tonight. It is a bribe, it is
cheating. A man should make love the way a painter paints --when
he feels the urge filling his heart --or the way the poet
composes poetry, or a musician plays music. The woman's body
should be taken as a musical instrument; it is. When the man is
feeling joy, then sex
is not just a release, a relaxation, a sleeping method. Then
there is foreplay.
He dances with the woman, he sings with the woman --with
beautiful music vibrating the love temple, with the incense that
they love. It should be something of the sacred, because there
is nothing sacred in ordinary life unless you make love sacred.
And that will be the beginning of opening the door to the whole
phenomenon of superconsciousness. Love never should be forced,
love never should be an attempt. It should not be in the
mind at all --you are playing, dancing, singing, enjoying...
part of this long joy. If it happens, then it is beautiful.
When love happens it has beauty. When it is made to happen, it
is ugly. And while you are making love with the man on top of
the woman... it is known as the missionary posture. The East
became aware of this ugliness that the man was heavier, taller
and more muscular and was crushing a delicate being. In the
East, the way has always been just the opposite: the woman on
top. Crushed under the weight of the man, the woman has no
mobility. Only the man moves, so he comes to orgasm within
seconds and the woman is simply in tears.
She has been a partner, but she was not involved in it --she has
been used. When the woman is on top she has more mobility, the
man has less mobility, and that will bring their orgasms closer
to each other. And when both go into orgasmic experience, it is
something of the other world. It is the first glimpse of
Samadhi; it is the first glimpse that man is not the body. He
forgets the body, he forgets the world. Both the man and the
woman move into a new dimension they have never explored.
The woman has the capacity for multiple orgasms, so the man has
to be as slow as possible. But the reality is, he is in such a
hurry in everything that he destroys the whole relationship. He
should be very relaxed so that the woman can have multiple
orgasms. His orgasm should come at the end when the woman's
orgasm has reached to the peak. It is a simple question of
understanding. There are natural differences --they have nothing
to do with conditioning. There are other differences.
For example, a woman is more centered than a man; it starts
happening even in the womb of the mother. An experienced mother
who has given birth to two or three children can tell you after
a few months of pregnancy whether the newcomer is going to be a
girl or a boy, because the boy starts making a fuss, kicking in
her womb, moving --he is on the way. But the girl remains
absolutely silent. So that is not a question of conditioning.
The female is more serene, more silent, more patient, is capable
of waiting.
Perhaps because of these qualities she has more resistance to
diseases and she lives longer than a man. Because of her
serenity, her delicateness, she can fulfill a man's life
immensely. She can surround man's life in a very soothing, cozy
atmosphere. But the man is afraid --he does not want to be
surrounded by the woman, he does not want to let her create a
cozy warmth around him. He is afraid because that way he will
become dependent. So for centuries he has been keeping her at a
distance.
And he is afraid because he knows deep down that the woman is
more than he is. She can give birth to life. Nature has chosen
her to reproduce, not man. Man's function in reproduction is
almost nil. This inferiority has created the greatest problem
--man started cutting the woman's wings. He started in every way
reducing her, condemning her, so that he could at least believe
that he is superior.
He has treated women as cattle --even worse. In China, for
thousands of years, the woman was not thought to have a soul, so
the husband could kill her and the law would not interfere --she
was his possession. If he wanted to destroy his furniture it was
not illegal. If he wanted to destroy his woman it was not
illegal. This is the ultimate insult --that the woman has no
soul. Man has deprived woman of education, of financial
independence. He has deprived her of social mobility because he
is afraid.
He knows she is superior, he knows she is beautiful, he knows
that giving her independence will create danger. So down the
centuries there has been no independence for women. The
Mohammedan woman even has to keep her face covered, so that
except her husband, nobody can see the beauty of her face, the
depth of her eyes. In Hinduism, the woman has to die when the
husband dies --what a great jealousy. You possessed her your
whole life, and even after death you want to possess her. You
are afraid.
She is beautiful, and when you are gone, who knows?
She may find
another partner, perhaps better than you.
So the system of sati has prevailed for thousands of years --the
most ugly phenomenon you can imagine.
The husband dies. Maybe the woman is still young and at the
prime of her youth so she has to be forced to jump on the
funeral pyre. To make it possible, a special arrangement was
made. Purified butter was poured in large quantities on the
funeral pyre. It creates so much smoke that you cannot see what
is happening.
Almost like a dark cloud it covers the whole funeral pyre. Then
surrounding it --and it is so hot that the musicians had to
stand far away --great trumpets, drums, and all kinds of musical
instruments are used with the excuse that this is a celebration,
but they are just used to drown the screaming of the living
woman who is being burned.
She would like to come out, and around the funeral pyre there
are priests with burning torches in their hands so that if the
woman tries to run out they will push her back into the funeral
pyre.
Behind the musicians there are a great number of priests
shouting loudly and chanting mantras from the ancient Vedas.
This whole scene is arranged just to kill a woman and so that
nobody should know that she was killed against her will. And the
whole crowd outside is joyous and cheering because it is a great
event --a woman has proven her love to the last moment of her
husband's life. How many millions of women have been burned this
way for the simple reason that the man is jealous that after he
is gone, what guarantee is there...?
It was the British government's rule in India that stopped it,
because it was simply murder and nothing else. But then Hindus
prevented the widow from marrying again. They shaved her head
--that beautiful hair that was part of her personality. They
took away all her ornaments and said that she could not use any
color in her clothes, she had to wear only white. They tried in
every way to make her ugly. She cannot join in any ceremony...
she is abandoned. Even in her own house she cannot enter the
kitchen, but has to sit outside.
And she cannot ask for what she likes. Whatever is given to her,
the leftovers, she has to live on. She cannot sleep on a bed,
she has to just lie down on the floor. This is worse than death.
This way she may live fifty years, has to do all the menial work
of the household, and she has to keep herself hidden from
people's eyes. Man is very egoistic. That's why I call him male
chauvinistic. Man has created this society, and in this society
there is no place for the woman --and she has tremendous
qualities of her own.
For example, if man has the possibility of intelligence, the
woman has the possibility of love. It does not mean she cannot
have intelligence; she can have intelligence, she just has to be
given the chance to develop it. But love she is born with --she
has more compassion, more kindness, more understanding. Man and
woman are two strings of one harp, but both are in suffering
separate from each other. And because they are suffering and do
not know the reason, they start taking revenge on each other.
The woman can be of immense help in creating an organic society.
She is different from man, but not unequal. She is as equal to a
man as any other man. She has talents of her own which are
absolutely needed. It is not enough to earn money, it is not
enough to become a success in the world; more necessary is a
beautiful home, and the woman has the capacity to change any
house into a home. She can fill it with love; she has that
sensitivity. She can rejuvenate man, help him relax.
In the Upanishads there is a very strange blessing for new
couples. A new couple comes to the seer of the Upanishads and he
gives his blessing. He says to the girl specifically, "I hope
you will become a mother of ten children, and finally, your
husband will be your eleventh child.
And unless you become a mother to your husband, you have not
succeeded in being a true wife." It is very strange but has
immense psychological insight in it, because this is what the
modern psychology finds, that every man is looking in the woman
for his mother, and every woman is looking in the man for her
father. That's why every marriage is a failure: you cannot find
your mother. The woman you have married has not come to your
house to be your mother, she wants to be your wife, a lover.
But the Upanishadic blessing, almost five thousand or six
thousand years old, gives an insight to the modern psychology. A
woman, whatsoever she is, is basically a mother. A father is an
invented institution, it is not natural. And soon the father may
become out of date. Once the science of genetics develops, the
more scientific, more clinical, more hygienic way will be that
fathers donate sperm to the hospital, and the medical experts
choose the right living sperm that can be injected into the
woman. Every man should not be allowed to be a father.
Because of this accidental fatherhood, the earth is full of
blind people, lame people, crazy people, mad people, retarded
people... It cannot be left accidental. The sperm may have come
from somebody else; you have to be generous in favor of the
children so they will not be blind, will not suffer their lives
as cripples. And moreover,
you will be able to ask the medical expert for the kind of child
that you want. The basic sperm shows all the qualities that will
manifest later on.
If you want a scientist it can be seen that this person is
going to become one --or a great poet, or an engineer, or
a doctor, or just a vagabond. So the accidental birth can
disappear and a planned birth can take its place. It will just
take a little time for stupid human minds to get accustomed to
the new idea. But the mother will remain indispensable. They
have tried experiments: they have given children all the
facilities, medication, all the food... every perfection from
different branches of science, but strangely the children go on
shrinking and will die within three months.
Then they discovered that the mother's body and her warmth is an
absolute necessity for life to grow. That warmth in this vast
cold universe is absolutely necessary in the beginning,
otherwise the child will feel abandoned. He will shrink and die.
There is no need for man to feel inferior to woman. The whole
idea arises because you take man and woman as two species. They
belong to one humanity, and they both have complementary
qualities. They both need each other, and only when they are
together are they whole...
Life should be taken with ease. Differences are not
contradictions. They can help each other and immensely enhance
each other. The woman who loves you can enhance your creativity,
can inspire you to heights you have never dreamed of. And she
asks nothing. She simply wants your love, which is her basic
right. Most of the things that make men and women different are
conditional. Differences should be maintained because they make
men and women attractive to each other, but they should not be
used as condemnation.
I would like both to become an organic whole, remaining at the
same time absolutely free because love never creates bondage, it
gives freedom. Then we can create a better world. Half of the
world has been denied its contribution and that half, the women,
had an immense capacity to contribute to the world. It would
have made it a beautiful paradise.
So I don't ask that they should be equal, that they should wear
the same clothes, that they should behave like men, or use
vulgar language because the man uses it. The woman should search
into her own soul for her own potential and develop it, and she
will have a beautiful future. Man and woman are neither equal
nor unequal, they are unique. And the meeting of two unique
beings brings something miraculous into existence.
Related Articles:
Osho on Difference in
Female mind and Male mind
Osho - Woman should not try to
imitate Man
Osho on greatest need of
Contemporary Woman
Every man is
a woman too and Every woman is a Man too
Can you
talk further about the Qualities of the Female Mind?
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